Horses In My Backyard

I used to fancy myself quite a poet back in high school. At the time, I was plagued by depression and most of my poetry was about unrequited love (needless to say, I had very little confidence in myself or my complete cuteness - I look back on videos and pictures from high school and go "Come on, you were SO adorable! Why weren't you braver?!"). I used to stay up late at night scribbling endless scattered prose about one boy or another that I was too shy to even talk to, torturing myself with the endless possibilities that would never come to fruition. Teen angst at its finest.

I still write poetry, occasionally. Sometimes my heart is so full of feeling, I have to put it down - even if it's just one line. More and more frequently, horses or the feeling that horses give me are the subject of my mad ramblings.

Tonight, I was feeling inexplicably melancholy, generally emotionally volatile - a feeling I completely hate, and try to diffuse as soon as it starts because I dislike not being in control of my emotions (Who am I kidding? I cry all the time, especially when I am watching The Biggest Loser!). Usually, diffusing this feeling consists of sitting on the back of a horse - not working, just sitting, just feeling, and being. Tonight we had minus stupid degree weather with windchill so sitting on a horse wasn't really an option, but sitting with a horse was.

I took to Ari's stall. I love Bronwyn, but Ari is my favourite (And who am I kidding? Bronwyn would never tolerate the foolishness that Ari does!). Ari's unwavering sweetness is comforting and predictable. She is so many of the beautiful attributes that her mother had. I stood for a while with my arms over her back, my cheek pressed to her withers, her long furries tickling my nose. Horses are in my blood.

After a little bit of that, I took an overturned bucket and sat in the front of her stall while she munched hay quietly, and sat as close to her as possible, my arms wrapped around her front right leg, my cheek resting on her forearm. I must have sat like that for thirty minutes. It just felt good. Occasionally, she'd crane her neck and brush her upper lip through my hair.

Sometimes, I wish I had access to an indoor arena and didn't have to get out of bed to feed in below zero weather, but I would not trade the immediate access to the above for anything. I am jealous of those of you who have your horses at boarding stables, but at the same time feel sorry for those of you who can't keep your horses at home for whatever reason. I always used to be resentful of horses at home, but now I count myself lucky to have them here.

Anyways, back to the poetry. Tonight was one of those "full" feelings so I scribbled a little ditty. Though it's a little silly, I thought I would share, because I feel like you guys are my family. :)

Horses In My Backyard

I give up the finer points in life,
like indoor arenas in the winter,
stall mucking done when I arrive,
never having to worry about a missed feeding,
to have horses in my backyard.

I get to enjoy some of the hardships,
riding in the rain, or snow or sleet,
just to get that workout in,
mucking stalls before I can make time to ride,
and climbing out of bed, in the cold, hung over or sick,
to have horses in my backyard.

I love the benefits -
a furry therapist whenever I need it,
instant eau de cheval,
horse hair on every article of clothing I own,
a soft place to land.
Front-leg-hugging therapy cures all ailments.

I have horses in my backyard, and I wouldn't trade it for a thing.

- Amanda Neal




Thanks, Ari, for keeping me grounded when I need it the most.