Taking The Big Leap

So, I know I am almost constantly encouraging you all to go out there, find barns that will accept and can accomodate you and RIDE! But I have to admit... I have not always followed my own advice. Kind of a "do what I say, not what I (don't) do". I haven't taken lessons since before I got Bronwyn. I have never recieved formal riding instruction under English tack.

A few weeks ago, I got a wild hair and posted this ad on our local version of Craig's List.


I honestly didn't expect much. I did get a couple of emails saying "did you try so and so?" and "call these people", but then I got one that said "I can help you." -- turns out it is someone I already knew but hadn't thought to approach, the barn is close to the apartment (too bad they don't have any stalls available!), and the big bonus kicker? I get to ride a friesian for my lessons! Definitely one to kick off of my bucket list!

To say I was nervous was an understatement when I rolled into my first session last Thursday. I kept telling my boyfriend how nervous I was but he couldn't seem to grasp WHY I would be nervous (this one rarely gets riled up about anything, God love him!) - afterall, I knew the people, I had been riding most of my life. It only makes sense, right?

Anyways... overall a wonderfully positive experience and I am looking forward to the next session this Thursday. It was painfully obvious within the first five or six minutes of riding how ridiculously out of shape I am these days -- but my instructor was understanding and helpful. If I think about it, the last time I even sat on Bronwyn was Christmas day, and I haven't put a serious ride on in at least 6 months.

I talked candidly about the issues I feel that I have (particularly majorly unbalanced on my right side, which the mare I rode was so sensitive to that I will have no choice but to work on this! Some of you may remember me binning it on my head to that side because of a combination of unbalanced + slipping, improperly fitted saddle.), and I feel like this is going to be good for me, and good for what I can do with Bronwyn. Already, I am thinking of different approaches to the things we do, and feeling a serious "bug" for riding... and I've only been once and was so sore I could hardly move for two days after. I will have to keep you all up to date!

Friday Favourite: January Thaw Equine Expo

Springtime is my favourite season to be a horsewoman, this is no secret, I don't think. In conjunction with my resounding joy that comes along with spending hours in the barn peeling thick curls of dusty winter coat off of my horses ("it's the MOST wonderful time of the yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeear!!!"), it also brings about the horse expos, clinics, shows, and the ilk that make me really pumped up for riding and getting out there and doing things with my horses... and, you know, makes me spend (or at least WANT TO SPEND) a lot more money than I should on neat horsey things. I mean, it's all of the tack shops and distributors of all of the awesome horse merchandise in ONE PLACE. Easy to spend some money.

Anyways, with all of that said, there is one that jumps the line a little, that is this weekend, actually (the other two big ones that I hit are in April and May, respectively) - the January Thaw, which takes place in Fredericton, New Brunswick, in January every year. It's a great mid-winter chance to meet up with your horsey friends, make connections, and pick up some great sale items. It is also a worthwhile cause because the profits from the organization of this event go to the NB Children's Wish Foundation - last year they raised $3,536.20!!

So if you're in the area, stop by and say hello - I will be at the Happy Horse Designs booth. :) What are your favourite equine expos that you are looking forward to this year?

Friday Favourite: Carole Andreen-Harris

(As perhaps a bit of a New Year's... um... decision, lol, I have decided to try my best to revisit the Friday Favourites. None of this month-between-entries crap anymore!)

Last weekend, I recieved a gift. This gift was probably one of the most thoughtful and heartfelt gifts I have ever had the pleasure to recieve and when I opened the shipping package, having a very slight suspicion what it might be, I cried. It was as if I had been transported back through time six years and was in a place that I never imagined that I would be again. The gift was given to me by someone that I care very much about and have developed a friendship with that has been largely influenced by the blog. It meant even more that I have had the pleasure to spend time with the creator of the gift and know what a wonderful, sincere lady she is. The giver and the creator schemed. I recieved this beautiful tribute to my lovely Angel:



My Friday Favourite this week is artwork by Carole Andreen-Harris. She is a lovely woman to spend time with and she clearly puts her heart into her work. I had "known" her online for some time before we met when I visited Arizona and had long drooled over her work but never imagined having the resources to own one of her pieces. We spent the day together with Carina at the Desert Museum (which... well, if you're in the Tucson area, I highly recommend it - it is a truly unique experience!) - and here is a picture of the three of us:



I am beyond excited to put the piece up in my home office (that is in the process of coming to be) in my new place and draw inspiration from having my old gal close to me all the time. Thank you, ladies - from the bottom of my heart. This gift truly means so much to me!

So this is the new year... // OPEN CALL FOR GUEST BLOGGERS

Usually by this time of year, I have posted a year in review on the blog - wrote about last year's resolutions and the ones I have for the coming year, but my friends, I find myself with a lack of words right now.

I would love to make some horsey resolutions this year but I find myself, for the first time, uncertain of where and when my time with my horse will come. I've moved into the city now and am still looking for a place for Bronwyn. I go home at least once a week, typically, but the weather is not always conducive for a ride. I do at least get a snuggle, so that certainly helps. I'm not saying that when I lived on the farm I rode every day or even really took as much advantage of the situation as I should have, but it is foreign to me not to have the option to run out to the barn, 100 feet from the house, and have some one-on-one pony time if I wanted to! So I would say that my one goal for the year of 2012 is to find a place to bring Bronwyn so I can see her on a more regular basis. And that is really all I feel that I can, solidly, focus on at this time.

With that said, I want to talk a little about the future of the blog. I love writing it and I love the community that I have found as a result of writing the blog. When I began writing it, I knew that - if I garnered any readers at all - people would either love it or hate it and there would be nothing in between. The response of love and support has been, to say the least, overwhelming. Emails, Facebook contacts, the like - from plus sized riders who said that they needed to hear what I had to say, or were encouraged to start riding again by what I had written, to non-plus sized riders who support the cause. I have been humbled, I have been encouraged and inspired by what has come in. There has been some negative - don't get me wrong - and the negative has been ugly - never a logical, reasonable discussion, but insults. But the good has outweighed the bad a million times. A million times.

I never thought I was the only one "qualified" to write this blog. In fact, most often, I don't think I am "qualified" to write this blog at all! This, combined with the fact that I don't know where and when my horse related updates are going to come from in the future, makes me want to make this more YOUR blog than mine. I want to share you marvelous ladies (and men!) with the world, in hopes of encouraging others. I had overwhelming response when I asked for proof for my Fat Rider Myth #1: Fat People Should Only Ride Drafts (Or: Choosing A Suitable Mount) entry.

So this is a call for guest bloggers, since I can't guarantee what my own writing schedule will be like. I want to include your stories, your advise, your successes, your struggles - I want to share YOU with others like YOU that can appreciate what you have gone through and what you have to say. If you want to write about your experience as a plus sized rider showing, prejudices you have faced and how you have overcome them, your favourite brand of riding clothing, no matter - if it is relevant to you, as a plus sized rider, it is relevant to us. If you are interested, please email me @ amanda@afatgirlafathorse.com.

Further to this, I know there have been issues in the past when emailing the above address. Due to issues surrounding access of my webmail, there have been, regretfully, some emails that I have not been able to reply to. Those issues, however, have been resolved as of today - so I will be working hard to address every email sent to me! Bring it on!

The UPDATES!

Everyone has their winter fuzzies on! I went to the barn last night after being away a few nights this week to visit with Bronwyn and it was like overnight, she had grown her full-blown winter fluffy. I even said out loud to her - "you got ready for winter without me!". It has been a crazy month, but every month seems crazy when you're trying to split time between two homes 45 minutes apart and work full time - and I've now come into the time of year when I pick up shifts at the restaurant for extra Christmas cash. Last night, I really felt like I needed to sit on a horse to "rebalance my chi" as I told my boyfriend, but with -2C and the wind starting to pick up in the pitch dark... I satisfied myself with smelling a horse instead.

With that said, the craziness is coming to a close, soon. I will be moving off the farm two weeks from today, into the city, closer to my work place. At this time, the ponies will be staying at the farm, but I am already putting my feelers out to find a place that Bronwyn can call home and come and live closer to me. This will mark the first time that my horses have ever not been kept at home, and it's definitely a different stretch for me. At the beginning of the process, I thought I could just leave her home on the farm and visit from time to time, but realistically, I know that I need to have her somewhere near me so that I can visit her when I want. So THAT has been an interesting endeavour. Finding someone that I trust as much as my family to take care of my horse... finding a new home that will tolerate her "quirks". Most of the boarding facilities around here are full because of a fire that burned one of the larger facilities to the ground and displaced several horses. I have some time, though - she doesn't HAVE to move as soon as I do, so I can wait it out (and would prefer to) until February or March.

And speaking of ponies being cared for by someone else - for those who are wondering - Ari is doing very well in her new home! As I stated before, I had imagined that this would be much, much harder, but Meg has been doing a fantastic job keeping me updated, asking my input on various things, and basically just spoiling my little girl. She participated in the recent Santa Claus parade in their area, and has been learning under several different riders, all of whom love her. Cemented, what a good choice I made for my girl. I am beyond thrilled!

With that said, I am hoping for some mounted time this weekend... though I have two shifts at the restaurant to look forward to! It's definitely hard work, but it really helps to get into the festive feelings since the servings are completely Christmas dinners, and there is live entertainment, beautiful period decorations (the restaurant is set in 1855), and lots of good cheer to go around!

Goodbye Hickstead

I love to watch showjumping. When people ask me what my favourite televised sport is, the answer always includes showjumping. And who doesn't love the Canadian favourites - those teams that go together like bread and butter? Ian Millar & Big Ben, Eric Lamaze & Hickstead...

The news of Hickstead's death at the Verona CSI in Italy today spread quickly among the online equine community. Even if you didn't watch the video of his last moments, we all realized how sudden it is. I don't know about anyone else, but it reminded me of the mortality of our horses.

They make us feel incredible, invincible - a horse can humble or inspire you (and sometimes those two are one in the same). They are the symbol and vehicle of freedom of many, the best friends of many an awkward (and not awkward!) teenage girl, an instrument of livelihoods and leisure times. Treat a horse right and they will have your back, save your life (physically and emotionally), teach you as many lessons as you can open your heart to learn. And as quickly as they come to you, as immediate as the epiphanies they provide you can be - they can go, again. Disappear before your very eyes and leave you gutted - a stronger and better person for having known and loved them - but devastated for that loss.

I had eight hours to come to the realization that Angel was going, that I would have to wake up the next morning and begin to move through my life without her. I cannot even begin to imagine the way it felt when that realization came to Eric, when his steed staggered out from under him after a brilliant round and then died before his eyes. I can imagine the hole in his heart - I know, I have been there. So tonight, as I put my arms around my frustrating, quirky, portly pony, I thought of Hickstead, of his team, and the man with whom he flew. I put my hand on her chest and wondered 'will you ever leave me this way?', my hand on her stomach and asked the same thing. And then I realized - it doesn't matter. Someday, every horse will leave every girl who ever loved them. Behind them, they will leave a legacy - it might not be in the media, as widely televised as the incredible performances of Hickstead - it could just be in the heart of a girl who will never forget them. I think Hickstead will do a little of both. Godspeed, big little horse.

Don't Cry For The Horses
Brenda Riley-Seymore


Don't cry for the horses that life has set free.
A million white horses, forever to be.
Don't cry for the horses now in God's hands.
As they dance and prance to a heavenly band.


They were ours as a gift, but never to keep
As they close their eyes, forever to sleep.
Their spirits unbound, forever to fly.
A million white horses, against the blue sky.


Look up into Heaven. You will see them above.
The horse we lost, the horse we loved.
Manes and tails flying, they gallop through time.
They were never yours, they were never mine.


Don't cry for the horses, they will be back someday.
When our time has come, they will show us the way.
Do you hear that soft nicker close to your ear?
Don't cry for the horses, love the ones that are here.

If you love something, let it go...

I always thought that saying was silly. I have a hard time letting anything go - a grudge, a cold, money - nevermind something that I love and value. This is why I was so surprised when I walked into the barn last night and right by Ari's empty stall and didn't feel a twinge of sadness. Not any. Not at all.

My personal situation is on the cusp of change at the moment and it is no longer (well, was it ever, really?) reasonable for me to keep three horses that I don't have time for. I had already made a decision to place Rex, my gelding, with a trusted friend of mine, bring Bronwyn with me wherever I go, and let Ari stay on the farm with my family, where I thought she belonged. On a whim, never thinking in a million years that I would find something that would feel "right", I posted Ari for up for a lifetime lease on my Facebook and on the forum. I mean, she is an "aged" mare when it comes to stock horses (she's just turned 8) and she has had maybe a dozen rides on her over those years. She is definitely not a beginner project for anybody, but doesn't have a speck of dirt to be found in her. A few people did inquire about her, but I still didn't have the "this feels right" feeling about any of it... afterall, this is the baby of my baby - she is out of my dearly missed heart horse and sired by my mother's dearly missed heart horse. She was born here and I've watched her grow, seen her in my pasture every day, cried many a tear into her mane.

My friend Maria said "have you talked to Meg? She sounds perfect for Meg!"

When Meg contacted me and began to tell me her story, I started to get that "this is right" feeling. She fit many of my "requirements" - a lifetime of experience with horses, a great support structure, a good understanding of common sense, and most important of all - a true love and care for equine-kind, regardless of their usefulness to her. We sent long emails back and forth for quite a while, detailing everything that I knew about Ari and exactly what Meg was looking for. Without going into too many details - Meg was thrown and nearly paralyzed by her standardbred whose list of past owners reads like a "should be banned from owning animals" list. In short, she needed a confidence builder that reminded her how to have fun on the back of a horse and not to be afraid.

The trip to haul her was longer than I anticipated and with more stresses than I had planned on (as if leaving my little girl behind wasn't stressful enough!), but in the end, I am glad we chose to haul her ourselves. Not just because this gave me an opportunity to put a face to words in emails, to see the facility. In retrospect, some of the best parts of the trip were seeing the little girls at the barn so excited to see the pretty new horse, staying up way too late eating cookies and talking horse with Meg and Maria, and seeing someone else - someone who is clearly capable and willing - spending more saddle time on Ari than I had in the last year. Those were the things that cemented, for me, that this was the right decision - even more so than seeing the facility, signing the contract, meeting the barn owner.

When Meg sat on her, they were perfectly sized for one another. She moves like a horse that wants to play with western pleasure but could be athletic enough to cut or rein - and that's right up Meg's alley.

I won't lie and say I didn't shed a tear or two, because I did. I was fortunate to have my dad with me - at one point, he consoled me by saying "She's going to look after her." and I said "I know, and that might be the part that bothers me the most." - the fact that I didn't have the time to appreciate her as much as Meg clearly was going to.

She has been gone almost a week. I have gotten glowing reports from Meg. She loves her. I imagined that it would be much, much harder to let something that I loved so much go. It was a lot easier to leave her with someone who clearly loves her as much as I do. Someone who appreciates her for the quiet little mare that she is. And most of all, it has been easier since I put it into perspective: Once upon a time, someone provided me with an opportunity with a horse that I really needed... I didn't know how much I needed her at that time, and it took me a long time to figure it out. I was reminded the last night when I sat on her in our muddy yard, in the pitch dark, in 2C weather that Bronwyn is the horse that I need. Rex and Ari are the horses that I love and care for, but Bronwyn is that horse that I need. I am paying it forward.



The photos in this post are courtesy of the marvellously talented Maria Casey, who was there, snapping away and being supportive the whole time! :)