You shouldn't believe everything that you read on the internet...

My boyfriend and I have just finished watching season 1 of Game of Thrones (hey, it IS horse related!) and during the course of it, I began telling my boyfriend that our dog, Morrie (who is a miniature Australian shepherd) is a dire wolf... well, a baby dire wolf, since he's pretty small. He maintained I was not telling the truth until I lamented to my friend that he wouldn't believe it until it was in print and then, poof!, Wikipedia's article on dire wolves briefly (while my computer conveniently melted down so I could not screen cap it for posterity) mentioned that they are extinct "(except for Morrie)". And then, as quickly as it was there, it was gone. And the truth is (and I will ONLY admit this here because my boyfriend CLAIMS he doesn't read the blog!) that Morrie is not actually a dire wolf, even though I read it, IN WRITING, on the Internet!

Heck, I am pretty sure there are still people out there wondering about "Fiona", Bronwyn and Rex's love child from 2010 (I'll be a long time waiting for THAT foal, since Rex no longer has eligible parts!)... because they read it on the INTERNET.

I am incredibly gullible, I will admit to it. Though I might have a niggling in the back of my mind that you're pulling my leg when you tell me something far-fetched, I have this overwhelming sense of respect/consideration which seems to over-ride even my sense of self preservation by times (ask me about the time that I rolled down my window to talk to an angry looking man who got out of his car at a red light to yell at me for "burning a red light" (whatever that means, by my estimation, I made a legal right turn on red and he was nowhere in sight when I did it)). If I believe you to be the sort of person who does not regularly tell lies, I will most likely take what you say at face value until it is proven otherwise. Because that's just how I roll.

The thing about the Internet is... a lot of people have a lot to say, sometimes more than they would say in person. The Internet leaves a lot of room for speculation and anonymous insults, and other things that, when you head in that direction, can be an extremely slippery slope. I have to say that I am still always surprised that, even though on the Internet, you have the chance to fully investigate, get all your ducks in a row and THEN make a comment that you may or may not be able to take back, people still say some pretty crazy, ridiculous things. After all, sometimes things live on the Internet for EONS.

Since I started writing this blog, I remind myself every single day - when I write a new entry, or when I check the Facebook fan page, or when I get a notification of a new comment - that there is rarely an in-between when it comes to this subject matter. People love it and support it or people hate it and insult it. There is rarely an in-between (or at least, I don't hear about many) and fortunately, the former far outnumbers the latter. Occasionally, someone is so offended, not by the fact that I am writing about plus sized riders, but by the fact that I am riding at all, and that I am torturing my horse, that they see fit to make a comment.

That's fine - I mean, I put this material out there, publicly - I need to expect some feedback once in a while that isn't all wonderful and friendly like the lovely and kind comments I got when I was featured on Horse Nation just yesterday (now there are some words on the Internet that I encourage you to believe, haha!). But it's incredible the things that people "say" when they think that they are advocating for something. And let me just say - despite what some of the negative comment-leavers choose to believe - I have not deleted one unkind comment - from my blog or Youtube or Facebook. If someone wants to say something, I feel like they are entitled to say it - the same way I am entitled to write this entry and poo-poo on it or reply to their comment, advising them of the actual truths. And I'll let it stand - because I feel like they should own it - and I'm not going to pretend it didn't happen. Good or bad.

Whoo, I am getting off on a bit of a tangent here. All of this was to talk about this particular Youtube video that I posted over a year ago while I was participating in a Youtube vlogging community. I have posted 32 videos so far on that Youtube channel and for some reason, unknown to me, this video has gotten 50,000 more views than any other video that I have posted on Youtube. The comments run the gamut, but I thought I would share some of my favourites:

Actually, you know what... I'm not going to bring that negativity to light. I'm sure anybody out there who has ever admitted, online, to being a plus sized rider has seen the type of comments that I am thinking of. Not only are there rambling diatribes about cruelty to the horse, but additionally all of the inferences that because you are fat, there cannot possibly be anything else good or redeeming about you, that you are clearly lazy and unmotivated, and should stop stuffing yourself with "Doritos and ice cream" (honest to God, real comment I got, on the blog, I think... I had to LITERALLY LOL because I DO love Doritos and ice cream but I can count on two hands the number of months since the last taste of Doritos I had, though I do usually have a stock of frozen yogurt in my freezer which I engage in about twice a week (and dutifully track on my calorie counter)) - as if it were that simple, as if the commenter has been inside of your life, as if the fact that you are carrying extra weight completely overshadows any other personality trait that you might have, as if the negative commentary changes everything. People seem to forget that if you are overweight, you generally already know it, you don't need to be reminded.

But the fact of the matter is... all of these words, these letters on screens - they do not determine your value as a human being, your right to dream and to do and to be generally wonderful. Some of the demeaning things you read on the Internet (on a very public blog, even, earlier this month!) are quite simply put - GARBAGE. Just because it is in print does not mean that it's true. Discerning the truth that you know from that which others try to impose on you based on the very small amount of information that they know about you is not always an easy task but I can tell you that having a strong sense of your own truths and your own abilities and value, without taking into consideration the opinions of people who may not know anything about you besides the fact that you don't "look" like the picture of an equestrian - that is a completely worthwhile and valuable ability to have.

At the end of the day, there have been a million, million times more GOOD comments, emails and messages and Facebook photos that have made writing this blog worthwhile, while I am, on occasion, accused of abusing my horse, and having absolutely no regard for her welfare. And you know, even one of those good comments, emails or messages overrides the senseless drivel I occasionally have to put up with. Don't feel sorry for me! I am 100% humbled by most of the messages of hope and support and gratitude that I receive. Most often, I think that I am just little old me and don't deserve the thanks - I am just writing about my little old life and sharing truths about plus sized riders, afterall - it's no new information! But I appreciate it. And as long as there is one person out there who believes what I write above the anonymous negativity commentary about your worth as a human being because of the weight that you may carry, writing this blog will always be 100% worth writing.

Now if you'll excuse me, I am going out to ride Fiona!

Negativity Breeds Negativity

I have always been a fat girl -- from birth to now. When I was in elementary school, I went to a birthday party with a bunch of my friends. We were a relatively small group (there were only 50-some students in our entire K-5 elementary school) and all tight knit. A couple of my friends were sitting on an old porch swing that was held together on one end with a thin nylon rope - I went to sit with them. As I sat down, the rope holding the porch swing together gave way and the swing fell. In retrospect, it likely would have happened if a normal sized kid had sat on it, but this was the first time that I realized that my extra weight made me different from the other kids because it was brought to light - of course the other kids thought that the swing broke because I was so heavy. I felt terrible. I felt shameful. It did not motivate me to want to lose weight, it embarrassed me and made me want to stay home and not be with my friends in situations like that again. To this day, I am cautious when I sit down on anything that might be questionable about holding my weight (porch swings included - even ones that AREN'T held together with nylon rope!).

When I look back at the things that have motivated me in this life - from wanting to ride despite my weight to motivating me to lose 50+lbs to wanting to write this blog - any of the motivation to do anything good in my life - this incident has never factored in as something that has pushed me. Negativity is not true motivation - and if it gets you up off your butt, let's see how happy you are when you get down the road.

I discovered a couple of weeks ago that a group in the state of Georgia is trying to shame their children as a method to stop childhood obesity. It has taken me this long to put words to my rage.

Let's be realistic about children. They are children. Their parents are the holders of the purse strings, the providers of food, and basically their advocate when it comes to access to afterschool sports and other activities. The parents are the ones who say "YES, you ARE going to go to the park instead of playing a video game." and the like. We'll be realistic here on that point, too - some children grow up as beanpoles, others grow up as vikings and that is just merely how it is. I am not suggesting that calories be counted and controlled at young ages, but I am suggesting that healthy lifestyles are encouraged by the family and the rest comes. I also believe in a firm message of "this is the right way to fuel your marvellous body, which is exactly perfect just the way it is - and that's just one more reason to treat it the way that it deserves to be treated!".

If I had seen these ads when I was a child, in that tender, formative time when I was already sensitive and hurting about the body that I had and did not have the brainspace to understand that all bodies are inherently GOOD, I would NOT have endeavoured to do better. I would have wallowed. I would not have been encouraged to go out and do sports, I would have been embarrassed to show my body on a basketball court or at a horse show. I would not have been encouraged to eat better (though I have to say we have always eaten quite well, just eaten a LOT), I would have taken comfort in food. Because my body would never be good enough - or so I would feel - it would always be that example on those images.

I weigh about 30lbs less than I did when I started writing this blog and I don't think it's a secret that I am on a continuing journey for better fitness
I have never written this blog as a weight loss blog - because that's not what it is, at all. This is a blog to encourage you not to spend your whole life waiting until everything is right for you to do the things that you want to do. It's like waiting for the never-arriving tomorrow. Nothing will ever be 100% perfect (and if it is, you're kidding yourself!), so don't hold your breath until it happens or you'll suffocate. Of course I want you to be healthy. Of course I want you to fuel your body with the things it deserves and move it like you know you can. But what I also want is for you to experience joy NOW. Not later, NOW. Because you deserve it NOW. And that is exactly the philosophy that my weight loss journey has followed. I treat my body well because I DESERVE it. I continue to do and enjoy the things I love because I DESERVE IT. In THIS body. In the body I had thirty pounds ago, in the body I had fifty pounds ago. RIGHT NOW.

Friday Favourite: Yoga!

I have something brewing in me. I'm mad. I'm really really mad, and I am finally going to say something about mean comments and hurtful things said to fat people. I'm going to say it, I just need to compose it so that it sounds like something halfway reasonable. In the meantime, check out something that will make you NOT mad...

Body Positivity Yoga

I know, it's not horse related, but I think it is COOL. Yoga is another one of those places where you see the stereotypical body types - just like riding. This lady is doing something AWESOME. Check her out!

Happy Valentine's Day!

So, in honour of Valentine's Day, I wanted to talk about a couple of equine-type items I have picked up over the last couple of months that I really love.

I don't know about any of you, but I have always loved "cowboy couture" - the belts, the bling, the boots... THE BOOTS. I have always admired the Ariat Fat Baby and Pro Baby collections, but guess what? GIANT FEET.

I often do browse, though - even if I a) can't afford copious prices and b) can't find anything that fits me, so when I found these on Sierra Trading Post, I got pretty excited. The whole kit-n-kaboodle cost me less than $100, shipping included! If you search around, you can find coupons for STP - and you get an extra percentage off for your first purchase. These are the Twisted X Top Hand Bomber boots. So... they're a men's boot, and they don't have pink... or rhinestones. BUT they fit! The shafts are pretty long and there is ample space for my calf. The best part of all? They are SO COMFORTABLE. I can't even explain. The day after they came in the mail, I wore them all day at a trade fair, on concrete, and had minimal pain (compared to what I normally have at one of these trade fairs, on your feet all day!). Plus, they look so darn snazzy! I am in love with them and even wear them to work on occasion. I could see myself using these boots as a riding or work boot in the barn, definitely.


The other purchase I snagged last month which I also really like was a pair of Wrangler Aura jeans - these are advertised as "instantly slimming" (I swear, riding jean companies talk about lycra blend denim like it is a BRAND NEW THING but those of us who wear 16-18+ have known for years how much more comfortable jeans with a little bit of stretch woven into the fabric are!) - aka they have a slightly higher waist and nice stretch to them. I got mine off a sale table, but they were the "average" height. I should have known better and gotten the talls, but they weren't on sale and these aren't a real flare leg like some jeans, so if you lose some length on them, it doesn't look as bad since they come in tight to the boot either way. But also... VERY COMFORTABLE - love the stretch and Shepler's has them on sale up to size 22 for $38.99 -- LAST DAY!

Friday Favourite: Stacy Westfall & Whizzards Baby Doll

My Friday Favourite this week was a no brainer after hearing the news about Whizzards Baby Doll ("Roxy"). One of those unfair and inconcievable losses of life in the equine world, a lot like Hickstead! I was very saddened to hear the news of her passing, and even more heartbreaking that they were unable to save his foal. You can keep your horse wrapped in bubble wrap, watch it 24/7 and sometimes, things just happen. They aren't a part of your control, and they aren't preventable, they just happen.

I am a little peeved that I can't locate the photographic proof at the moment, but I was blessed to be able to see Stacy, Jesse and Roxy perform at a horse fair several years ago. They did a completely charming bridleless reining duet (is it called a duet?) to "Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better". It was so clearly evident that Stacy cared about that horse and was doing something she loved with her!

Every once in a while, I pull out the "famous" video and take a look at the viral sensation that amazed horsepeople and non horsepeople alike, and it still brings tears to my eyes and goosebumps to my flesh to watch! Enjoy.

The Things Worth Having

I went home to the farm this past weekend. I've had a real bug to ride Bronwyn since I started riding the Friesian mare (I should give her name, for reference - it's pronounced Lola... but I am not sure that this is how it's spelt. I will get back to you on this one!). It's not always an easy ride at the farm - we don't really have an outdoor riding area to speak of, and hello, it is winter in New Brunswick. Granted, it is a much more tame winter than we are accustomed to, so far, but it it still winter, and I am still a freeze baby.

Before I could ride, there was some general housekeeping that needed done around the farm. We had to build a new box stall (for the long overdue weaning process for Serenity, which she dealt with fantastically, if I do say so myself!), clean some stalls, put some new plywood on the side of the barn. I spent more or less the whole of Saturday in the barn with my dad. You've seen me mention him here before - but when I am with my dad, I do some of my best thinking - because he's a good listener. I will admit to talking far too much, mostly a stream of consciousness type of conversation - but he listens, and I usually come to my own conclusions (admittedly, sometimes with a little prodding from him). But overall, my strong thought for the day was this: The things that are the most worth having often take the most work.

For example, my dog. Being a dog owner in the city is a lot harder than I recall it being in the country. There is no place to put him out unleashed, so he needs to be taken to stretch his legs at least twice a day, with other various outs to do his business (though admittedly, I have created a monster who doesn't want to do his business in his own yard, so his walks are classified as either a "walk" or a "potty walk" - to the end of the street so he is sufficiently distanced from his own property to do his business). I try to spend more time at home because he is there and I like to spend time with him. I am one of those people who finds real joy in the companionship of animals. Morrie provides a great deal of entertainment and emotional support, if I'm honest, to me. So it does require me to get out of bed 20-40 minutes early so there's time for a walk before I go to work - and trust me, I love my sleep - but the joy of having the dog with me, that's worth the inconvenience.

Fixing fence, working on the barn, cleaning stalls - those are all things that get "in the way", interrupting our chance to spend time with our horses one on one. But if we didn't have to do any of that work, would it still be as precious, the time that we do have? Would we appreciate it as much as we do now? I have learned over time, that sometimes the most valuable, cherished, beautiful, important things in our lives are those things that you have to work hard to get, you are inconvenienced to maintain, and require the most time and attention. And that's not half bad, I don't think. It helps us to appreciate things more!

Where has this lesson been applied in your life? Do you sometimes complain about the work involved with the horses, but appreciate the time you spend with them that much more? Am I completely out to lunch?

When everything got cleared up, and all the work (and then some) that we needed to get done was finished, I got to ride on Sunday morning. It was a brisk -17C with windchill, the snow was deep, but I bundled up and my horse was joyful as we took a little jaunt through the snow! We are both in "winter shape" at the moment, but we enjoyed one another's company, that is for sure.

Friday Favourite: The Friesian Horse

Make sure you turn up your volume!



You got it, I went for another lesson. I have always admired this breed from afar (you all know my love of war horses!), but never got a chance to get up close and personal with one until the last couple of weeks. I love this mare's quirky personality and the fact that she is well-trained but you don't get what you're asking for unless you deserve it. It's going to be a slow and steady process but I think eventually I will be able to get MY body working together well enough to help Bronwyn get HER body together. I am really excited to be able to speak candidly about being a plus sized rider and have an instructor who is aware of my body's abilities and limitations and helps me to figure it out. I am thankful for that today, for sure! :) Hope you all have a good weekend!