Why I do this...

Though I waffled (yes, those on the forum know I am a chronic waffler!) back and forth between thinking I had lost all semblance of sanity and between believing I would be in my happy place, I headed out Friday night to our Cloverbud & Junior 4H Camp this weekend to chaperone 65 7-12 year old boys and girls.

The place that hosted us, Caton's Island, is a gorgeous Christian summer camp that is set on (surprise!) an island and offers a variety of activities, including a climbing wall, canoeing, swimming, and horseback riding.

I didn't expect to do any riding, but early yesterday morning, the horse director (who is a neighbour of mine) pulled me aside and asked if I was going to be available while our kids did camp-based activities, as he knew I 'had a talent' and thought I would have fun helping out. I strong armed my way into getting up there and managed to even get in a few rides (granted, it was a laid back trail string).

I ended up spending the entire afternoon fitting helmets onto excited kids - some who had ridden before and others who had never even touched a horse in their entire life. I spent some time up on horses with kids who had never ridden before. I rode near the head of the string on a quarter horse... yes, I rode a horse that wasn't a draft cross and it didn't keel over and die! And she wasn't even a very big horse.

Overall, I think the experience was cathartic and a good balm for my soul. Sometimes, I think I forget why I still do this anymore. I think these days, I do it to satisfy the girl in me that once let herself believe she couldn't... but sometimes I also think that I am doing it for every other girl out there who gets told she can't, or she shouldn't. I do it for the kids who don't ever imagine that they could do it - for the sense of accomplishment and pride they will feel when they actually do.

One thing I really liked about the program, and I discussed it with the director at length over the weekend, is that he uses primarily draft and draft crosses in his program because of their reasonably good minds, and the fact that he will have among them, a suitable horse for just about any child. It made me think, and consider a lot of things.

You see, I have a little secret. My biggest dream in the world is to operate some kind of scenario on a large scale where children (particularly girls with self esteem or body image issues) can come together with horses, accomplish something, feel worth and pride in their skills and talents... I even have a piece of land picked out for the program - I just have to figure out how I would operate it, and where the money would come from. Nothing would please me more than to see children learning that they CAN do things and that they ARE valuable, and have skills, talents, and characteristics (physical and otherwise) that are worth being proud of, regardless of what anyone else might tell them.

I think I learned a lot about the value of myself when I started making headway with Bronwyn - most people out there don't care that much about the fact that I taught a once semi-feral horse to do the things she now can do, but the proof is in the pudding - she has become a reasonable equine citizen... she can be handled, she can be ridden, she has manners... things she never had before, and I instilled them in her. It might not be worth something to everyone, but it's worth something to me, and to Bronwyn.

Did the beginnings of your realizations of self worth come from a horse?