I mentioned in my post, The Horse That Changed Your Life, that after Angel died, I saw a lot of shooting stars. They became less and less frequent as I healed... but it has always seemed that if there is going to be a shooting star, I just happen to step outside just in time to see it. Very convenient. Tonight, I stepped outside to grab the mares from where they were stuffing their faces around the remnants of a round bale we just put in a couple of days ago and just so happened to look at the right part of the sky to see that beautiful shooting star.
Angel has been on my mind a little lately - or things pertaining to her, anyways. I have been thinking a lot about Rex and Ari and the role they play in my life. There have been times that I have considered selling one or both, or leasing them out or something so that they are being used more than they are being used here because of my emotional hangups. I just know I can't. They were both on the sales market before I lost Angel and through dealings of fate, they are both still here. They are meant to be in my life for a reason.
With that said, I am nearly convinced to back Rex within the next couple of weeks. He is all the way there - I have taken him through all the steps over and over and over again - all that is left is for someone to get on and ride. He is bigger than Ari... I still have that hang up over her... maybe I can ride him and start to see things in context. Either way, I know that Rex needs a job and will be much happier when he can put his head down and go to work.
Sometimes I really miss Angel... who am I kidding? Most of the time, I really miss Angel. She was what I needed when I was 16, and she saved my life in many ways. (Okay, okay, I know it's so cliche to talk about your horse saving your life when you were an angsty teenager!) She started me on the path to weight loss. She started me on the path to my passion for horses.
And every once in a while, she shows up again to let me know that I am going in the right direction.
You took such good care of him, I just hope I do you justice, sister.
Amanda, this brought me to tears. I too have been in a really reflective mood lately. You have a gift with words. I am so sorry that you lost Angel, and that you are missing her, but knowing that she is watching over you is just about the best thing ever, only second to having her there with you. I hope you do start working with Rex more, and I'm sure those of us on the forum will here all about it.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing, and for all that you do.
Aww this was beautiful. If Angel were here (and able to talk) she would tell you to have more faith in yourself. So, since she can't tell, you I WILL! Have more faith in yourself Amanda! You are a WONDERFUL, talented, competent, conscientious, intelligent rider. You would never do anything to hurt Rex or even make him uncomfortable. Give yourself some credit!! If there comes a time where he is uncomfortable, you know you will feel it and you will end the session. Don't be scared of worried. Just jump on and take him to the next step. Angel would be proud of both of you, and I am too!
ReplyDeleteWhere's the like button? Wonderful post.
ReplyDeleteI can't help but cry. This is absolutely beautiful!!!
ReplyDeleteIncredible.
Angel looks after you, looks over you, just the way all other loved horses look over loving owners.
Keep it up, Amanda.