The Heart Knows

Angel,

It is funny how, seven years later, you still permeate my life so much that I knew I had to come to the farm today even though I could not remember why. I wasn't feeling well this morning and G gave me an opt out, saying he'd come next week and help me groom, but I knew I had to come.

I was in the barn with Rex, spending some time giving that filthy boy a deep groom, when I remembered. First, I thought I had missed it by two days but I think my heart knew. It has grown so used to grieving on this day that it does it on its own, without any help at all.

When my Nana passed away, Daddy told me an analogy about how losing someone or something special to you is like when you pull a large boulder out of the ground. At first, that hole is jagged, it wants for something to fill it. As time passes, eventually it smooths out, sometimes it fills in a bit. There is always, however, a groove there. Eventually, the grieving turns to memories you can call to mind on any day of the week and be happy to have them. Eventually, you stop saying "I wish there was a rock here." every second day. Eventually, you learn to function and move on, and you allow yourself to grieve on days like today.

Seven years ago, I came home at this time of day and saw you laying in the field - sunbathing, everyone insisted, but I knew something deeper was wrong.

The heart knows, doesn't it? Just like I knew something was happening the night that you foaled when I was in another city and it took three grown man to pull that dead colt out of you but didn't hear the news until the next morning. Just like I knew about the sorrel and white filly growing inside of you that first year, that filly that would go on to touch hearts that I didn't even know would need touching. Just like I knew that you would leave me that night.

After four years of teaching me to love horses again, to trust in my partner, to believe in myself, and how to know an equine so well that you can tell in six seconds whether something is wrong or not, you had completed your work here on Earth and you moved on.

You opened up the door for Bronwyn to come into my life. And you left me Rex and Ari. And you reminded me that it is okay to cry when you have to. And you gave me a special appreciation for falling stars - because so many fell that night while I walked you, and now every time that I see one, I know you are reminding me to listen to my heart, and letting me know I am going in the right direction.

Most importantly, you taught me that everything will pass, too - no matter how hard it seems to overcome. That someday I will look back on every challenge I have faced and be reminded that I had to be there to be where I am now. That everything that happens exactly the way that it is supposed to.

My girl, I had no idea I was learning these lessons when I was learning them. It took me a long time to appreciate it. Seven years later, I can say I still miss you, but the overwhelming emotion is THANK YOU.

Angel & Rex Spring 2006

 

Do One Thing Every Day That Scares You

I bet most of you don't know that I get very anxious going into new social situations. That might be surprising for some of you - some of you might not find it that surprising. I, myself, was a little surprised when it started to rear its head in my first, and only year of university.

All through middle and high school, I had been that obnoxiously outgoing girl. You know, the one who turns around and introduces herself to everyone within hearing distance in lines at concerts, has no problem getting up in front of her youth group and acting like a doofus, makes it all the way to the provincial level of public speaking competitions without batting an eyelash. Then, in university, it started small - as simple as I could not possibly spend the night at someone's house, I would fight tooth and nail to get back to my apartment after a night out at the bars. I knew that it was turning into a problem when I started taking an economics course mid year and I got up on the first day and gathered my books, ate breakfast, showered - got all the way ready to go and got to the door to leave and turned around and climbed back into my bed, unable to face the "newness" of a whole class of new faces, a professor I had never met, and a completely different part of the university than I had ever had a class in.

It never developed into anything that has affected my quality of life but I know there are some experiences and friends I have probably missed out on as a result of my desire to stay home, where I am comfortable.

So when I decided I wanted to add "something else" besides dog walking and biking to work to my exercise regime, I picked lap swimming. We have a local pool that offers a pretty decent price and is not far from our apartment, so I investigated it as much as I could online... but then I came to questions I couldn't find the answers to online - like what sort of people swim there? Am I going to get hated on for being a slowpoke? How do you know which way to swim? Which time is the busiest to go? And of course... the one that I try to never let myself ask but pokes it's head up ALL OF THE TIME and I think is the root of all of the anxieties I have about just about everything - even though I know better than this - Am I going to be the fattest person there?*

All of those unknowns cause me a lot of anxiety so yesterday, G put me in the car and drove me to the pool without my bathing suit so I could take a peek in through the big window and see what sort of people swim there, and how fast they are swimming (the answers were all sorts and all speeds). I talked to the lifeguard at the desk to get a feel for it and he told me I should swim in the medium speed lane because the slow lane is mostly people walking or flutterboarding. He told me that the midday swim is usually the busiest.

Armed with this information, I steeled myself to go back today and actually swim. I knew I had to take my information I had gained and the little burst of bravery that I had and go swim sooner, rather than later, or I would chicken out completely. So I put my swimsuit and a towel in a bag and headed out. I was extremely nervous as I left the house, tummy full of butterflies - what if they don't like me? G gave me a hug and told me I would be just fine and sent me out the door.

As I parked the car, I wanted to turn around and go home, but I knew that G was at home and would know I hadn't swam if I just turned around and went back with dry hair, so that little bit of knowledge forced me into the reception and changing rooms. By then, I was most of the way there so why not just try it?

So I did. And obviously, I am here to write this and my entry didn't start with "NEVER GO LAP SWIMMING, IT IS HORRIBLE!". The truth was that it was uncomfortable at first, but I enjoyed it. It felt like a physical challenge. I pushed my body and my mind and I came out alive on the other end. There were, indeed, bodies of all ages, and shapes and sizes and speeds. In fact, the most inspiring swimmer there was a woman a bit bigger than me. She came to the pool, got in the medium speed lane, put her head down and went right to work. I felt like my strokes were frenzied and challenging, I felt like I was splashing a lot, but she cut through the water like a hot knife in butter, with slow, methodical strokes. She was a beautiful swimmer.

Am I going back? Of course.

If you're comfortable, you're not growing.

* And really, who cares if I am? I am as entitled as anyone else to pay my $3.50 and go swim as many laps as slowly or as quickly as I want to, regardless of my size or skill level.

Guest Blog: Safety Vests For The Plus Sized Rider

Writer, Vickie Tatum, is one of our "family" at the AFG&AFH forum and when she shared her experience on the forum, we knew she had to write us a blog. Enjoy her articulate, thorough approach to her experience with riding vests!

Last year, I fell off a horse and broke 4 ribs. I’ve always heard that broken ribs are painful, but until I actually experienced it, I had no idea what that meant. I don’t ever want to go through that again, so I spent some of my recovery time shopping for protective vests.

Once I decided to purchase a protective vest, the first thing to decide was whether I wanted a traditional vest or one of the new air vests. When I watched the Olympic equestrian events on TV last summer, I saw one of the air vests deploy in a fall on the cross country course. It looked pretty cool, but they are also quite expensive and somewhat controversial, with some experts suggesting that, in some circumstances, they could actually be harmful. Plus, they seem like more than I need as a recreational rider, so I crossed air vests off my list.

The next thing to decide was whether I wanted an approved vest. There are three different certification systems for protective vests. These systems set standards that must be met for things like impact and puncture resistance. In the US the certification system is ASTM, in Europe it’s EN, and in the UK it’s BETA. In addition, within each certification system, there are different levels or standards for different types of equestrian activity. The approved vs. non-approved decision is one everyone has to make for themselves.

In the end, I decided an approved vest would be nice, but if the vest that best met my needs was not approved, I wouldn’t pass on it only for that reason. I don’t ride at high speeds or jump large fences or ride lots of green horses, so, recent fall aside, I’m not really a high risk rider. Plus, the Tipperary Eventer vest, which has long been popular among eventers, isn’t certified and plenty of people will testify as to its protectiveness during a fall.

Once those decisions are made, I was still faced with what turned out to be the biggest obstacle in purchasing a protective vest: my size. When you are plus sized, some vests simply don’t come in your size. And, even when they do, your local retailer or the familiar big catalog/online retailers like SmartPak and Dover, may not carry the larger sizes. But, with the help of the internet and my mad googling skills, I was able to find several vests that are available in my size. Tipperary, Charles Owen, Rodney Powell, and Airowear all make vests in larger sizes.

When I went to the web site of the manufacturer of Tipperary vests, I found that some of their vests are available in chest sizes up to 52 inches (132 cm). I also found that the size charts on the web site show sizes much larger than those available for order. I contacted the manufacturer and was told that I could special order those larger sizes. The Competitor model can be ordered in chest sizes up to 56 inches (142 cm) and the Racer style in chest sizes up to 60 inches (152 cm).

The Charles Owen Kontact5 is available up to size XL, which fits chest sizes 38-46 inches (96-117 cm). I also found the Charles Owen jL9 in size XL at a couple of online tack shops, although most stopped at size L. However, I noticed that the size charts seemed to vary between retailers. For example, one online retailer’s size chart for the jL9 showed size L fitting up to a chest measurement of 40 inches (101 cm) while another retailer’s size chart showed it fitting up to a chest measurement of 43 inches (109 cm). So, Charles Owen vests may be something better purchased through a local tack shop where they can measure you and provide size advice.

Rodney Powell vests come in a staggering array of sizes, custom made to fit your measurements. The most common sizes are available ready made from a variety of online retailers, but if you want larger sizes you need to order a custom fit vest, which can be done through any tack shop that carries the vests or through a number of online retailers. The manufacturer’s web site provides detailed instructions on how to measure and also has some nifty features like an “interactive designer” and a size calculator.

The Airowear Women’s Outlyne vest is available off the shelf in sizes to fit chest measurements up to 49 inches (124 cm).

I now own two different protective vests. The first vest I purchased was the Airowear Outlyne. It is certified to the highest BETA level, which is Beta 3. I chose this vest because it was recommended by one of the A Fat Girl and a Fat Horse Forum members and because it is advertised as being “specifically designed to fit the female body shape.” I ordered it from an online retailer in the UK, Amira Equi. Even with the shipping, the price was competitive with US sources (cheaper than most) and it arrived amazingly quickly. I got my Mom to help me measure myself according to the instructions on the web site, ordered the size indicated, and it fit perfectly.

I love this vest. It’s soft and flexible and after you’ve had it on for a while, it molds to your body shape. I swear it fits me better every time I wear it. Once I’ve had it on for a few minutes, I forget about it. It does not interfere with my riding on the flat or over fences in an English all purpose or jumping saddle. I feel much more confident wearing it.

However, nothing is ever perfect, and that is true of my Outlyne vest, as well. While it is great for riding in my English saddle, it’s not so great when I want to go western. When I ride in my western saddle, the back of the vest often bumps against the cantle and when I lean forward or lean down, like to open a gate, I tend to bump the front of the vest against the saddle horn. Also, I live in Florida and now that the temperature is starting to rise, wearing the vest is hot. It’s not so noticeable when I’m just trail riding or riding for fun, but in a riding lesson, where I’m steadily working without much of a break, I really get hot.

My second protective vest purchase was an impulse buy right after I had one of those hot riding lessons. I spotted a Tipperary Ride-Lite vest in my size and on sale. The Ride-Lite is from the opposite end of the spectrum of protective vests. It is not certified, is much lighter weight than the Outlyne, and is marketed to the beginner or recreational rider. It’s shorter so it doesn’t offer as much tailbone protection as the Outlyne, but it doesn’t bump against the cantle of my western saddle nearly as much, either. It also seems, if not a lot cooler, at least somewhat less hot than the Outlyne vest, although the final verdict won’t be in until we hit mid-July or August.

How do I feel about the Ride-Lite? Well, to borrow an already overused phrase, it is what it is. On the one hand, it doesn’t mold to my shape like the Outlyne does, but on the other hand, it’s so much lighter that its overall stiffness isn’t really an issue with respect to fit and comfort. Indeed, it fits me well and is comfortable to wear. If I hadn’t already been wearing the Outlyne, I would probably feel better about the level of protectiveness offered by the Ride-Lite. I feel confident that the Ride-Lite is likely to provide some degree of increased protection in a fall, but it certainly doesn’t inspire the level of confidence I feel when wearing my Outlyne. I can’t criticize the Ride-Lite on that account, though, since it wasn’t designed to provide the same level of protectiveness.

Overall, I’m sold on the idea of wearing a protective vest for riding. I joke that I wish I had an exciting story to tell about how I broke my ribs. You know, one that starts with something like, “My horse and I were galloping toward a 6 foot wall…” But, the truth is, I wasn’t doing anything but trotting along in a familiar field on a well-broke horse that I’ve ridden dozens of times. I came off over her shoulder in a spook-and-spin, in the same kind of fall I’ve had many times over the course of my riding life. So, I’ve put my vest in the same category as my helmet: wear it every time. I figure that if I got used to wearing a helmet, I can get used to wearing a protective vest, too.

Vicki wearing her Airowear Outlyne vest

UPDATE: Several weeks after I finished writing this blog post, I had another fall. I was wearing my Outlyne vest and I am happy to report that it performed perfectly. On the part of my body covered by my vest I had no broken bones, no bruises, not even a sore spot. Now, if someone would just start making some protective pants…

Serious Shout-Out for Guest Bloggers!

I have a few confessions to make and I am hoping for some help.

1) I am a bad blogger. I get ideas for entries at the worst times (mostly when I have no time to write them!) and when it is the right time, I feel like I have nothing to write. Thus, the nearly a month since my last entry.

2) I have ridden my horse three times since I moved her at the end of April. Life just keeps getting in the way - I knew this would happen - and it was a "necessary evil" for my life, but unfortunately, it really kills content for the blog.

3) Number 2 is kind of getting me down. I know my very last entry was all about how you keep pushing (which I will) but it is tough going right now. I miss my horses like crazy and I really really want to have them with me. It is disheartening to visit them - instead of being able to enjoy the time I do have with them, my thoughts are preoccupied with how badly I want them to be accessible to me ALL THE TIME.

4) A lot of my current blog ideas are not-horse related and are more body positivity related - which I think is important too, but as this is the blog for both a fat girl and a fat horse, we need some horse related content.

So I am shouting out for guest bloggers again. If you wish you saw an article about something that you relate to, consider writing it!

The general idea of what I am looking for is here, and I would like to also note again because it bears repeating, that I don't accept articles that are self deprecating or speak ill of other plus sized riders.

I am particularly interested in guest articles from professionals in the business - ie trainers and judges, who work with plus sized riders and have some positive feedback on their view on plus sized riders. 

Here are more things I would be interested in guest spotlighting:

- product reviews - specifically products that cater to plus sized riders (ie 18"+ saddles, clothing, boots, half chaps, etc)
- your road to self acceptance and love
- adversity in the lesson arena + how you found a trainer that accepted you
- show reports

And of course, as with everything, we love, love, love pictures!

If you are interested and feel you have a story or review to share that rolls with our general "mission" here, please email me!

Hurry up and wait!

“Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.”




― Earl Nightingale

I don't know how evident it is, but I am probably one of the least patient people I know by times. Other times, I can hold out forever waiting for what I want, but when it comes to big things that will be big life changes... well, those I want right away.  

It was raining this week when I headed to the farm. That's really nothing new, to be honest - it has been raining on and off for the last three weeks - in fact, we attended three separate wedding events and there was rain at each one! (G and I joked that perhaps we ought to stop attending weddings since we seem to bring the rain with us - even when we leave the province for it!) I went to meet my trimmer for a 4-week follow up on Rex's beginning trim and a look at his thrush. Since he grows pretty slow and Bronwyn seems to, too, we decided to go back to the six week schedule we were on for B and try him at 6 weeks as well. So far so good, though!  

I definitely noticed a difference already since we started feeding him the loose mineral and flax/rice bran blend that I bought a month or so ago, through his body. I think it will take a little while longer to get to his feet. Rome was certainly not built in a day and though I have recently heard more "you can make any skinny/unthrifty horse fat in a month" than I can shake a stick at, I feel that if you do it slowly and correctly, it has less implications down the road for the horse. Not that he was thin, but just not thrifty - needing a little something else.      

Rexy Perplexy in all his glory.

Annnyways - all that to say, a couple of things made me go "I wish the next two years would hurry up and get over with!" - for those who don't know, two years is the target that G and I have to be set up in our own home as husband and wife, with horses in the back yard and a family started.   I spent about an hour and a half picking snarls out of Bronwyn's tail. She has a large tail and it can't be braided for more than a couple of days without being reset or it turns into a giant witch's knot. Even more so on pasture, with flies (plus, I think it's kind of mean to keep it braided/bagged when she needs it for swishing flies!) - which is where she is right now. I kept thinking "if she was in my back yard, I could be combing it out every night and it would only take 5 minutes" -- whether I would actually have the ambition to comb it out every night or not, I don't know (well, I do - and the answer is "probably knot"... hahahaha.. I kill me.) - but still, the thought was there.  

I also was unable to ride due to the rain (well, if I had gotten my butt in gear in the morning, I could have, but I don't have a high gear in the morning, I just kind of trudge along like a tractor at low speed), so I ended up sitting in the barn, looking at their butts while they chowed down and I divided their supplements into daily baggies, feeling kind of grumpy about the rain on the tin roof and the lack of time that I had. I thought to myself that if they were in my back yard, I would have the opportunity to ride every day if I wanted to (again, would I have the ambition to do that? Probably not, but the sentiment is still there!).  

Every once in a while I feel like two years is so long, we are spinning our wheels in the mud, getting nowhere - but that's not true - we are farther ahead financially than we were six months ago, and if we keep going this way, we should reach our goal, possibly with time to spare.  

Sometimes, though, I have to stop all that negative talk - the time will pass anyways. And all of the hiccups and road blocks that we feel like we might have now will build character, knowledge and experience for when we do step into home ownership and horsekeeping that we would not have had without this two years to deal with them. The truth is that things will happen exactly when they are supposed to happen as long as we keep focus and an open heart. I feel like that can be applied to a lot of things in life. :)  

Getting Caught Up

So, it's been just about a month since I moved Bronwyn.

It has been different, for sure. Just when I got used to having her close enough to take it for granted that I can just jaunt out to the barn, we have to plan a whole day around me going to the farm to visit her. As we only have the one vehicle, I have to pack up the dog, drop my boyfriend, G, off at work at 2pm, drive the 45 minutes to the farm, and be back by 10:30pm to pick him up. In amongst that, there is, of course, all the visiting and socializing that goes along with going "home" at any given time!

She trailered well and after Rex's initial I'm-a-"stallion"-protecting-my-herd-of-mares mode and a few scrapes (my poor Bean is no longer the top of the pecking order, clearly!), they all settled in and she is already packing on pounds from the good hay and (now) lush grass pasture. *sigh* All that hard work!

I have been able to get out about once a week since then - once or twice, I stayed overnight so had two full days in a row to spend with the two critters. I haven't schooled her yet, as I really don't have much of a spot to do it (I do have a section of flat grass but I would like to fence it in) but we have spent a few hours re-discovering the trails around the farm. There has been a lot of cutting in the woods around the homestead, which stinks for trees and foliage but kind of rocks for trails - they've had to build wide, steady roads into the woods, which sure beats the rocky, crumbly downhill slides in some of the places where I used to ride! In a few years, there will be some greenery back there and they'll be perfect riding trails. For now, they are hot and dusty. Either way, though, B and I have enjoyed some (mostly, except for my singing of country music at the top of my lungs) quiet time together in the woods before the bugs get so bad that you want to crawl out of your skin.

Another thing I've seen that this gives me an opportunity for is to play with Rex. The poor boy has been attended to physically - fed and watered and feet trimmed (but admittedly not as frequently as they should be), and sheltered... but he has basically had no criteria his whole life. I pick him up to do something with him every once in a while but usually run out of time or ambition before he learns too much. Anyways - I started lunging him and working on some ground work for respect - he can be a bit naughty when he gets trimmed because he knows I can't do much with the trimmer under his feet.

On the topic of trimmers - over the winter months, as I was an hour on the other side of home from my normal trimmer, I ended up finding someone new (I can't remember if I mentioned this already or not) - she does a barefoot performance trim. I will be the first to admit, a lot of this "natural horsemanship" stuff  makes me kind of skeptical, but I was sold after a couple of trims from her. Bronwyn's feet look fantastic -- and when I took her home and compared her feet to Rex's, I realized how much he would benefit - for a couple of reasons - 1) she keeps me on a pretty strict schedule instead of just calling the trimmer when the stars align and they need it + I can afford it + I am available, and 2) his feet are little, and right now, his frogs quite contracted. I don't believe that traditional farriery is BAD for all horses, but he makes a clear case FOR the barefoot performance trim, so we're going to give it a shot. He also had some thrush, which we're onto treating, and I've added some supplements to his feed to try to get a "bloom" on him before I put him to REAL work and ride him some this summer. It sure would be nice to have 2/2 horses riding - and possibly something for a guest to ride so I don't have to ride alone all the time!

Overall, there is no regret to the move back to the farm. You do what you have to do to get the job done. On the one hand, maybe I sound selfish because I won't allow horse ownership to put my goals for the rest of my life on a backburner - and I keep them relatively "cheap" at the farm compared to most - but in the long run, this will be better for the horses and better for me. It also gives me an opportunity to run my dog off leash and see my family so that sure doesn't hurt either!

Oh and one more thing! I am a bit closer to this fella:

Don't mind me, LOL. Or him! He has been out of work since August but his owner has asked me to come around a bit so she can get him rode. I suspect I will end up trailering Bronwyn and/or Rex over there every once in a while to ride with her once the summer actually arrives. Splash is a registered Appaloosa, and he rides like a freaking dream, even "rusty" after some time off. Super light mouth and responds well to leg and an absolute "pleasure horse" - it is a nice change! I sure wish Bronwyn moved like him!

Why It's OKay To Be Fat

I sometimes feel like I have two different personalities.

The first one looks at herself in the mirror and says "You are good. You are beautiful. You are worthy. Your value is not measured by the number in the back of your pants or on the scale. This body is a good body." This one strides confidently through the grocery store in breeches and tall boots and a little bit of horse snot on my shirt. She gets on her big horse and goes into the woods for a couple of hours and doesn't think there is a thing wrong with it. This one feels confident and in control when she is only wearing a bra and panties (or less, even!) in front of her boyfriend.

The first one doesn't care what other people thinks, she thinks she is pretty awesome. When people talk about seeing "gross" people on the street, she gets indignant and shouts from the rooftops that as long as she is healthy, it is not HER responsibility to be attractive enough for someone else's eyes. She thinks that she would be just fine in a bikini at her glorious current 256lbs at the beach and sometimes she thinks about not shaving her legs.

That one gets to exist for a vast majority of the time. She writes this blog, in fact. I would say probably 80% of the time, she is alive and kicking, and happy.

The second one trips her whenever she gets the chance. Fortunately, the first one is pretty sure-footed and usually just keeps trucking - but once in a while... once in a while, she lands on her knees and the second personality jumps on her back and holds her down.

The second one doesn't seem that bad on first glance. She almost seems like she is helpful, at first - trying to look out for her own best interests. She wouldn't want anyone to be embarrassed. She will look at herself in the mirror and say "You're alright, but you would look really good if you lost another 40lbs." She goes out to eat and thinks to herself "You should pick a healthier food choice - because even though you've been eating well for the last x days and this is a time for a treat of something you enjoy, those people watching you are going to make assumptions about your level of health and motivation." - sometimes when she is at the gym or otherwise working out, she reminds herself that people are probably judging her for "getting to the state you're in" in the first place, and criticising her form. Sometimes, in those cases, she thinks it might just be better to not exercise because then people can't criticize her silently in their minds.

She doesn't think she should go to the beach in a bikini because "nobody needs to see that", and she hesitates before she undresses for bed with her boyfriend in the same room because "what if he doesn't find this body attractive after two and a half years?". She gets on the scale obsessively, several times per day, sometimes, to see if she has lost even an ounce - because that, that is success - more than her physical fitness or good food choices or overall health - and when she has, she celebrates, and when she doesn't, she says "you are going to try harder" - she sometimes uses the mantra "hard work. dedication." when she fails to make herself feel like when she fails she has been lazy and undedicated.

She sometimes operates under the guise of self love but at the end of the day, the only thing that comes out of her mouth is criticism. She just wants to fit in - to fly under the radar and not experience any critical eyes, and she is her own worst enemy.

And when I read about Health At Every Size and Radical Self Love and Healthy Is The New Skinny, the first personality embraces it, rolls in it, RUNS with it. She loves it - she thrives on the idea that if she takes care of herself, and she doesn't lose weight, that is perfectly okay. The second one says "but what will people think?". She has read too many trash magazines bashing this actress or another for gaining TEN POUNDS. She has heard too much talk about the "obesity epidemic", and the tricks and turns you can make to be skinny - like skinny is the only thing worth being (I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it, it just ain't gonna happen for this body!). She worries that if she lets the first personality take over completely and doesn't qualify her existence with excuses about how she is "working on it" or "losing weight" then people will think she is lazy or slovenly or that she doesn't try hard enough or care about herself - when we both know, in reality, that letting the first personality take over is caring about herself.

And that is just how those two personalities feel about the physical - the emotional is a WHOLE 'nother story.

I have been training the first personality - she was not so sure footed before. The division of time I spent being one personality or the other used to be a lot more even - more like 50/50, and for a brief part of my late teens and early twenties, it was more like 20/80 in favour of the second personality. The problem is that the first personality is not  invincible all of the time. She doesn't pay as much attention, but she does see the trash magazines and the media, she hears society telling her she is lesser because she is greater from time to time. Most of the time, she can ignore it, but sometimes it distracts her and that is when the second personality finds it so easy to trip her up. So when I found this video, my first personality took heed.

---

I found this gem on a friend's Facebook profile today, and I think it's brilliant. I think this needs to be mandatory viewing.