August 28th.
I realized today as I filled out and mailed the entry forms for the horse show I am going to attend with Bronwyn on August 28th that it will be four years since I lost Angel on that day. I know I have talked about Angel before on the blog... it is hard for me to convey the level on which I am still stirred when I think of her. In fact, I'm fighting a few tears here at my desk at work right now.
When I lost Angel, I went looking for someone to replace her. At first, I told myself I would train and then sell Bronwyn because no horse could ever take the place of Angel. Eventually, B taught me that there is room for the both of them in there, and the thought of losing Bronwyn tears me as much as the feeling of having lost Angel.
I think it will be a fitting tribute to Angel that I should show my first show since I lost her on that date. It will be my first show in 7 years, it will be Bronwyn's first show ever. We are entered in halter mares and showmanship at this point in time. We may post enter for English pleasure if we can make her canter pleasurable between now and then (it was getting pretty good last night) and the stars align with a borrowed hunt coat. My biggest goal for this is experience - for her to get out there and experience the bustle of the show grounds, for her to spend her first night "away" from home since I got her. If we don't show under saddle, I plan to ride her around the grounds just to get her used to that, too.
With all of that said... sometimes I wish that I could be something MORE for you readers. I wish that I had some kind of real talent or skill, that Bronwyn was some kind of amazing horse and that we were at the top levels of competition so I could inspire. I grapple between feeling bad about that, and then alternately thinking "You know, I am going through the same things that most of my readers are going through, and it's nice for them to know I'm going through it with them rather than looking down from a higher spot at them."
I still struggle with my horse and my emotions, the realistic economical challenges of owning and enjoying horses, as well as everything else that goes with it. I think the majority of my readers find themselves there, too. I relate to so many of the great stories and posts we have in our forum. I love you guys.
I'm not very coherent, either. Oh bother!
I know how you feel. I miss my Hope so often. I found a great little horse now, a haflinger. I find that I am connecting with her as much as I did with my first horse. Sometimes I feel guilty about that but then I realize that Hope would want me to keep riding. She is waiting for me and will be so happy for me when I see her a gain.
ReplyDeletePlease. Do you know how often I read blogs of people at the top levels of competition? Neither do I, but it's not very often! ;) I can't relate to rigorous training schedules, lots of regular lessons and clinics by top instructors, and horses worth more than my house. It might be fun to read about every now and then, but that lifestyle is not going to keep my interest like someone who is going through similar things that I am. Good luck at your show:)
ReplyDeleteI read this everyday and get inspired that my thoughts and struggles are shared!! THANK YOU!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteOur four-legged companions become our family and we love them as such. Of course, you still miss Angel. She helped you become the person you are today and Bronwyn will help you grow in other ways. Your blog is very "real" for me. You inspire people everyday with your logical, kind approach to life. Good luck at your competition. Have fun.
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to let you and your readers know about a website I just found. They have custom and off the rack boots with wide, plus, and 2plus calves sizes!
ReplyDeletehttp://www.ridersmall.com/custom-tall-boots.html
And they ship to Canada at a decent price! (I'm in Ontario, and I hate it when it costs me a fourtune to get it over the boarder, or worse, isn't available at all!)
Keep up the great blog
Lex