Fat Girl But Not Fat Horse Related (Health At Every Size)

First, I want to apologize to those who prefer not to read weight-loss type entries - this is a vent, I had to get it off my brain, and it has been cooking for a while. I am not going to be very eloquent here, either, because I am still putting together the thought process.

Second - I want to promise that there IS going to be a goals and resolutions post BEFORE THE END OF JANUARY (I'm writing it down to make it so - one of my new goals, follow through!), but again - this is on my brain and I have to talk about it.

Lately, I have been feeling conflicted, and it kind of came to a head tonight, while reading an article about a woman who weighed 303lbs and lost 130lbs. In the article, she talks about eating "two or three pizzas", and big bags of chips in one sitting, and that's "a normal day". You see it all the time - articles about phenomenal weight loss from people who started well over 250lbs - they eat whole tubs of ice cream, they eat McDonalds EVERY. DAY., they like their chicken triple fried with extra gravy and biscuits. You hear about these crazy unhealthy eating habits which got them to the place they reached.

A lot of you know (since I've posted it on the blog many times) that at one point in my journey, I weighed 324lbs. Never did I eat "two or three" pizzas (or even ONE whole one!) in one day, or a whole bag of chips by myself, or a whole tub of ice cream. I have never liked sugared sodas. Did I overindulge by times? Of course, like any normal person. Here is the kicker - I was born 10lbs 11oz. I am now 6' tall with size 12 ladies feet. When I was an early teen,  my mother was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes and so she formatted the way that we ate - she lost some weight, I never did. I grew up on whole wheat, lots of veggies, real fruit juice, lean, homegrown meats. It was not uncommon to take a second helping of those things, however.

I am what I would call reasonably active (I walk my dog usually about 5K a day and when I am walking to and from work in good weather, I am walking closer to 6 or 8K a day - I ride twice a week), I eat moderately well MOST of the time - during the summer, my regular lunch is salad! My body has settled around the 250lb mark. I am sure I can go lower with more salad and more walking, but the point is that this is where my body sits when I live a "normal" life (not too much, not too little), and that, to many, is not "normal". I firmly believe in the value of fueling and moving your body the appropriate way, and maintaining it (you wouldn't put watered down gas or drive on flat tires on your car would you?), but I also don't believe that in order to be "normal", you should have to restrict yourself to 1200 calories and exercise 4-6 hours a day.

Ever since watching Joy Nash's "Fat Rant", there has been this niggling in the back of my mind. I mean... I want to be able to live a life that is enjoyable, without having to consider every SINGLE calorie that enters my mouth and spend any time I am not at paid employment working out. WHAT IF I treat my body the right way, but I am still not "normal" by society's standards? What then?

The Health At Every Size movement is incredible. It is based on the idea of loving your body and treating it right and being kind to yourself if your "normal" body size is not what everybody else considers to be "normal".

Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that every person that is overweight is "supposed" to be, and I do believe that it is possible to lose weight and find your body at its ideal weight, not the weight that society has arbitrarily told you is "ideal" or "looks the best". I do believe there are some of us hanging onto weight out of laziness or emotional challenges or medical issues. But I also believe that some of us look exactly how we are supposed to. I am saying that if you are treating your body the right way and enjoying life and you still don't look like someone that is regularly featured on the cover of Cosmopolitan, that's probably just fine, too.

The biggest enemy, however, of the self love and acceptance movement of HAES, I believe, is articles like the one I mentioned above. I am very happy that the woman featured found enough self love to stop treating her body like a dumpster - I am thrilled that she seems to have found a weight where her body is happy... but an article like this, detailing the way that she abused her body prior to treating it right perpetuates the idea that ALL fat people are this way because of gross neglect of our body, when that may not always be true. An actual comment on my blog told me to "get off the couch and stop stuffing [my] face with Doritos and ice cream"... the truth is - I love Doritos but I can't remember the last time I had them, and while I do try to include a small amount of frozen yogurt (masquerading as ice cream, my favourite is chocolate chip cookie dough!) in my day, if my hunger and calorie budget allows it, I am not much of a full fat ice cream eater. I do take a couple of hours to myself, a few evenings a week, to sit on the couch, yes - who doesn't? And why do I deserve to do it less than anyone else? And when I tell people what I am doing, and am not losing crazy amounts of weight doing it, I'm "lying" about how I am living. It is a vicious cycle.

If you haven't already checked out the HAES movement, I strongly encourage you to. It makes a lot of sense, if you are somebody like me - active, eating moderately, and not dropping weight hand over fist (anymore). It also really goes hand in hand with the idea I have been trying to promote with this blog - the most important first step to being happy is loving yourself, and caring about yourself - this is how you will accomplish your goals, this is how you will live the most fulfilled life possible. There is also a page full of resources - blogs and websites, books and communities that follow the HAES movement. Do yourself a favor and check it out!