With that said, I have been experiencing some stress this week. I landed at the barn after a weekend away last Tuesday to find Browyn injured. You know, I realize this kind of thing happens from time to time in herd settings and for the social and physical benefits of living in a herd, I wouldn't change it, it is just frustrating - especially when you have to drive 20 minutes to the barn each way to check on her. Mind you, I am used to having my horses about 20 feet from my doorstep and so if I found an injury like this on a horse while I was living at the farm, I would just hop out before bed or work and take another look, just to put my mind at ease. Not so easy to do when I don't have a vehicle and it is a bit of a drive.
I am normally at the barn alone when I go out to ride, unless I am having a lesson - and my boyfriend just started a new shift at work (it came with a promotion, so it is, in all reality, a good thing, a better thing, it's just hard to adjust to) so he is not home in the evenings. I can get a bit high strung by times and when I have no one to interject, things can easily escalate to desperate panic when my mind gets rolling (... do you see where this is going?).
After visiting the barn four or five times, including going out on nights that aren't my barn night, I was convinced that she was out in her hip, needed more chiro, I may never be able to ride her again, and I should just retire her home to the farm for the rest of her life. At this point, I wanted to be able to fast foward our 5 year plan into a 2 year or less plan. I just wanted to be able to watch my horses in my own backyard again.
Then, Wednesday night, after a particularly discouraging visit to the barn Tuesday (I thought she looked lamer, the swelling on her belly was more lumpy and, I had concluded, she just "looked sick".), I was out walking my dog. We heard something in the bushes/a waterhole while we were walking, and I eventually deducted that it was a couple of dogs "at large", so to avoid any potential injuries/attacks/fights (in the dark, with a medium-small dog, I was not interested in meeting them!), I turned around and went home to finish the walk later.
I was even to the point where I had called my parents to see about them making room to keep my now (in my mind) chronically lame, sick horse at the farm again.
Then I finished my dog's walk.
(Yes, I am getting to a point here!)
Some of you may know the significance of shooting stars to me - some of you may not. The long and short of it is that the night that my heart horse, Angel, died, several shooting stars crossed the sky while I was walking her out in her last hours. Almost every night after that for weeks, I always happened to spot one when I was leaving the barn after doing chores. These days, I don't see them as frequently, but every once in a while, when I am feeling a bit down or I am on the precipice of or have just made a big decision that I am uncertain about, I will see one. It might just be a coincidence, but I choose to take it as a reassuring sign from my earth Angel that I am doing the right thing and that I will be okay.
So you guessed it. I saw a shooting star when I took my dog back out. I haven't seen one in a while. I slept better than I had in quite some time and when I went to the barn the following night (last night), Bronwyn looked better, brighter, and happier than I had imagined her to be. We did a bit of clicker work just for fun, a little bit of lunge work. The barn owner was there, along with a couple of leasers and I did not feel quite so desperate about her situation. And she didn't look lame at all. I am still not sure whether I imagined how bad it was or if she just got better, but I do plan to ride her again starting Tuesday. I sure miss that connection.
I have a busy weekend - I am taking my pressed t-shirts (a la the soon-to-be-rebranded Sweet Angel Equine Designs to an SPCA fundraiser Pet Expo this weekend. If you are in New Brunswick (Canada), in the Fredericton area, stop by! If not... have an excellent weekend with your ponies!
I completely understand.
ReplyDeleteI lost my horse in July and every single day for the 5 days between when I called the vet and when he was scheduled to come out, I saw a rainbow.
Could that mean we had a lot of rain? Sure. And no doubt that has something to do with it, but I swear I have seen more rainbows since July than I can recall seeing in my entire life.
Now, I still think they are incredibly cool, but I also find them emotionally calming. I don't know if it's Promise, the rottie I lost 4 years ago, the people I have lost - or even all of them - but I can't help thinking it's a sign that all is right, and everyone is ok...including me.
So happy to read that you were greeted by a shooting star that night. I hope your horse stays well, and you two can keep training and riding as long as possible!
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