Slippery, Sickly SPRING!

I think I have said before (if not on the blog, then definitely on the Facebook fan page) that shedding season is THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEEEEEEEAR (yes, in the Christmas song themed tune!). I think when I was delirious with the excitement of the hair lifting off of my horses in giant gobs and beginning to reveal their slick summer coats underneath, I forgot that SPRING follows shedding and that I dislike spring. Immensely.

The weather is SO nice and I want to ride SO badly. Unfortunately, the ground isn't co operating yet. If I had a nice arena with sand (which is my "project" for this summer!), it might not be so bad. On Sunday, I was tempted by some bare patches at the top of the driveway in the paddock... reasonably flat (little bit of a grade to it) and quite a few bare spots. Once I actually got up there, I discovered that it was so slippery that there wasn't much that could be done - Bronwyn slipped a few times and was completely blowing me off (flipped her tongue over the bit) and I had a brief thought of "it would serve you right to fall!" but then remembered that I would likely be crushed by the expansive bulk that she developed over the winter!

The big truth is that we both need to get in shape! I was awfully sore after that short ride on Sunday, which isn't good. She's sooo round, like a butterball turkey with fur. And filthy! Holy dust on her. That's what happens when they sit all winter doing mostly nothing. Once she sheds out, all those gorgeous dapples will show and I will again agonize over a few white hairs here and there and think to myself "OMG, is she going grey?!".. granted that she is 6 this year, the likelihood of her going grey now is quite slim, I do believe, but I do hold out hope.

This time last week, the ground looked like this:



With any luck, soon, there will be absolutely NO traces of this snow, including the wet muckiness!

Spring Cleaning!

I don't know about the rest of you, but I think we've got winter just about beat here in Atlantic Canada. It has been increasingly frustrating for me because my riding ring (and by ring, I mean the relatively flat space that is unfenced that I use to ride in - though this is my summer project this year!) is still under snow but the weather is SO NICE that I am itching to ride! My options are a very small circle in our muddy dooryard, up our driveway and down the road where the shoulders are getting nice and bare, and none of those are very satisfactory for someone who enjoys schooling or 2-4 hour long trail rides with friends as much as Bronwyn and I do! Furthermore, I am DYING to get some REAL WORK in with my new saddle!

The last month has been busy, filled with joy and also disappointment, panic, health issues, but today, the 31st, I think I can safely say that I have survived March and am looking forward to the springtime promise of April! I haven't written much because I haven't felt that I have had much to say about Bronwyn and I, but I've since made the decision that I don't always have to write an awe inspiring post or about an outing that Bronwyn and I have made - I think I have some interesting "other" things to say and I'm going to say them!

I will fill you in on what March held for me, though! As many of you know, I was scheduled to go to Arizona from March 22nd to 30th to ride my favourite suffolk punch mare in the world and visit with my best gal, Carina... that didn't happen. On March 11th, I went to outpatients with severe deep pain in my left calf. They detained me for blood tests and my d dimer score (which is supposed to be 200) was 3000 - they immediately put me on blood thinners and I spent the weekend presenting at a hospital every 12 hours for a shot of Lovenox (did I mention that the two hospitals I had the choice of are each an hour from my home?). I went back for an ultrasound on Monday but the tech told me, more or less, that since it was below the knee, they probably wouldn't do anything. When the ultrasound results came back, the doctor told me that the ultrasound was negative and I was fine...

I was still in pain for 4-5 days afterward, and had an unrelated doctor's appointment on Monday, the 21st. My doctor had acquired my test results/report from the hospital that I went to on the 11th and she was so alarmed by my test results that she sent me back to the hospital for a shot of Tinseparin (spelling?), a different blood thinner, which left me with a baseball sized BLACK bruise (which is still there after over a week!) that night as well as more blood. She told me in no uncertain terms that I was not to fly the next day, and had me back in the hospital for another ultrasound on Tuesday, the 22nd - the day I was meant to fly. I spent THE ENTIRE DAY in the outpatients waiting room, and three hours alone after I had already had the ultrasound to talk to a doctor who told me that the ultrasound was negative and that he didn't believe that I had had a blood clot at all. His reasoning? Because I had no family history of it! At the same time, he would not give me a firm "yes" or "no" to being able to fly, work out, ride, etc, and said instead "you are of average risk". Talk about unsatisfying!

I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, so... there was a reason I didn't get to go to Arizona this time, which may or may not become clear to me in the near future. I am satisfied with that now, though still disappointed. I decided I'd try to get some other things done, like hauling Bronwyn out to an indoor. At the end of things, I went back to work a week early, and couldn't get the wiring straightened out on my trailer soon enough to get her to an indoor. More disappointment there.

I did, however, get the opportunity to spend lots of time with the guy I've been dating since November, which was nice (and almost rare since we live an hour apart and don't get to see each other TOO much), and I got to spend some time with my father, which also seems to be getting rare... I started clicker training with Bronwyn again... I spent a lot of time using a shedding blade on the horses!

Poor Rex, I lobbed off his mane (thick, tangled, and he (and I both!) hates his mane being pulled, so I just cut it off... stopped short of a roach but it's not far off! I took almost a whole horse off of him. I'd like to put 50 or 75 extra pounds on him and start him this spring.

I guess the important thing is that spring is here... new life starts... our lambs and goat kids are coming soon (we do have one early set of goat kids on the ground), clinics and trade fairs are right around the corner so I'll get to see all my horsey friends again (and spend too much shopping for new things!)... my draft-riding friends are antsy to get back out on the trails, and I have a renewed thirst for instruction and learning on horseback. Overall, though March didn't treat me too well, I still have a sense of excited anticipation for what is to come. :)

I've been thinking a lot about courage lately...

I think it's mostly because I have found myself in some situations, recently, work and personal, that have pushed me outside of my comfort zone and I've had no choice but to swallow any anxiety and truck through it.

Then, someone sent an email forward to me last week about this woman:



What you are seeing is right. This woman's name is Bettina Eistel and not only does she have no arms, she also competes (very successfully, I might add!) at high levels of competition, has medaled at the Paralympics and has won championships in Germany and Belgium. I'm sorry, but this lady is amazing.

What I find the most impressive, actually, is something that the numerous other bloggers and articles haven't mentioned. This woman was born without arms, so it is not like she once had a great love and talent for horses and then lost her arms and found a way around it - no - she endeavored to ride without arms from the very beginning. But not only does she ride, she also tacks up, hoses down, brushes, blankets, wraps, etc -- nothing short of incredible!




Her horse's name is Fabuleax 5 and he looks like he is one heck of a horse - not only talented but also one of those "considerate" horses who just seems to "know".

Looking at all of this, I thought to myself "What kind of courage must it take to go out there, physically handicapped and not fitting a "rider" stereotype? What kind of challenges does she face socially in addition to physically?"

Everyone knows it takes some courage to get on a horse in the first place. If you're like me and you've been doing it forever, that fear is foolishly not present most of the time - but occasionally thoughts do cross my mind - what if I fall? What if I am horribly injured? What if I'm hurt so badly that I am never able to ride again? I'm sure many of those same thoughts cross the minds of both plus and average sized riders across the world every time that they saddle up. I mean, if you're smart, those kinds of thoughts are present! You are, afterall, settling onto a 1200+lb animal who has a mind of its own and a spring-loaded ejection seat like those cars you see in the cartoons.

Imagine not having arms to break or cushion your fall, or give you leverage to get your horse under control. I think many of us, even though we pack around a few extra pounds, are fortunate, and I think we need to take advantage of that and use it to our best potential. It might take a big shot of courage, a friend to give you the confidence you require, or a visit to our forum to find support and encouragement, but I guarantee - if Bettina can do it, so can we.

Resolutions...

Ahh, the new year.

I realize it is no longer the 1st of January so really "past" the time for resolutions, but I'm going to talk about them anyway. I was still caught up in the emotional exhaustion of what my November and December turned out to be on January 1st so I chose not to make any resolutions, except for one, that I have managed, thus far, to keep quite well...

With all of the work in November/December, I was drinking a lot of coffee. A LOT. I am a water drinker by nature but I kept pumping in the coffee and cola soft drinks to try and keep my energy up instead of just resorting to a Red Bull or something else - and I was, as a result, not drinking enough water. I can state proudly that since Christmas Day, I have only had two small glasses of 7Up (they were mixed with wine, haha) on the day after New Year's. Other than that, no pop or coffee at all. I feel pretty good and most days, I don't even want any. I have taken to drinking chai tea in the mornings, but that is it - my water intake has increased significantly, as a result.

I always like to take some time and reflect on my resolutions from the past year when I start to think about new ones. I discovered last year that general things are easier to keep, and easier not to disappoint myself about. I think it was helpful.

So, without further ado:

Last Year:

I want to be "visible" with Bronwyn - in whatever context that ends up to be - horse show, clinic, demos and trade fairs.

I also want to be talking about plus sized riders in person. I go to a lot of equine trade fairs, shows and events with my mother who runs a small home based horse show clothing business (yes, she does make plus sized clothes). I'd like to take a flyer or maybe some business cards along with me. Maybe someday it will develop into talks and demonstrations. Have to start small!

...my "non-horsey" resolution is also health related. My resolution this year is to allow my health to take priority on a daily basis. This means taking the time every day to prepare myself healthier foods, go for a walk, work out, etc. This also means looking after my mental health, which is likely going to mean more time spent on horseback.

I also have a non-horsey resolution to get my completed romantic suspense manuscript into the hands of an agent - ideally published by the end of 2010 (or at least in plans for publication), but into the hands of an agent is a good start.

So... how did I do?

I would say that Bronwyn and I were definitely more visible last year. We attended one show and two public trail rides, as well as a local parade. I would love to expound on this a little more, and take in a clinic, continue with the trail rides, and also plan to bring her along with me to the Equine Review in late April, which is a trade fair with demos, etc. Ideally, I would like to do a demo on clicker training and with our draft under saddle club. I would also like to show her under saddle at at least one show.

I would also say that I succeeded in talking to more plus sized riders - not just in person, but online. I made a forum to go along with the blog and we have built a safe, comfortable, supportive community there where we encourage and challenge one another to be the best that we can be in all aspects of our lives. I brought business cards and a powerpoint presentation that I set up at trade fairs we went to - and talked to many a person - this year, with Bronwyn along, maybe I'll talk to even more people!

As for my non horsey related goals?

...to allow my health to take priority on a daily basis. This means taking the time every day to prepare myself healthier foods, go for a walk, work out, etc. This also means looking after my mental health, which is likely going to mean more time spent on horseback.

I also have a non-horsey resolution to get my completed romantic suspense manuscript into the hands of an agent - ideally published by the end of 2010 (or at least in plans for publication), but into the hands of an agent is a good start.

I would say on the first point, I was reasonably successful. In the year of 2010, I lost probably 50lbs, and kept it off. I stood up for myself emotionally (sometimes it took a little longer to do it, but I always did). I spent more time on horseback than I have in quite a few years, I would say. I developed a deeper connection with Bronwyn and challenged us both, physically and mentally (hello, four hour trail ride anyone?). I would consider that a successful resolution.

As for my novel? Epic fail on that one, though I have begun to consider a different route for the manuscript (e-publisher) and that is something I aim to pursue in 2011 a little more. I just ran out of time and steam in 2010!

So, for this year? I'm going to up the ante a little!

Horse Related

- One show under saddle, one clinic, one mounted parade, one beach ride and one trailride (with the people I ride with, I know the trail ride issue at the very least will exceed my goal!).
- More saddle time in general.
- More opportunity to share my horses with those around me who don't have those opportunities.
- And the most specific one? For my family of four to be able to go on a Christmas day trail ride - this means I have two horses to get broke this year!

Health Related
- 500 miles in 365 days (either with my Leslie Sansone DVD, or on a piece of gym equipment).
- 5k marathon, EVEN IF I JUST WALK.
- 100lb total loss by the end of the year - this means since my beginning weight, which will put me at 225lbs.

Life in General
- Give myself a break emotionally once in a while.
- (I've already got a good start on this one...) Embrace the idea that comfortable and easy trumps dramatic and stressful every. single. time.
- Enjoy the blessings that I have been given. :)

So... how about everyone else? By now, you all should probably have had a chance to move toward your goals and see how they're going to work out for you. What's the word? Your resolutions?

It's here! It's here!

AND I have gotten a chance to ride in it!

I am just going to say it right now: I am never, ever trying to buy a "non" name brand saddle again. The difference in craftsmanship, leather quality, EVERYTHING, is so significant. Sure, I had to expand my budget a little bit, but I think I mentioned in my last entry that I had a wonderful experience with a seller who was willing to work with me. (So Nora, if you're reading this, thank you again! I know I've said it a million times, but I'd keep saying it!)

I picked it up at my postbox across the border on Tuesday, the 4th, but in my excitement, even though I knew (believe me, I kept reading the specs on the saddle over and over) that it is rigged for a dressage girth, I "forgot" and so didn't have a suitable girth to use... so it sat in my living room on my saddle rack while I admired it from across the room until Saturday morning when I was finally able to get to a local tack shop and pick one up.

I ended up with a 26", which WILL girth up and go up several holes, but I am told is a little too short. Anyways - I had to get a girth and that was the only option I had and if I didn't get something soon, I was going to strap it down with balertwine and sit in it! With the holidays and troublesome weather on the East coast, it took just short of three weeks to arrive, so I was pretty anxious.

So Saturday rolled around and I headed to town, went to the gym, picked up the girth, ate some sushi, headed home, and immediately changed my clothes and headed out to the barn. We've been getting some snow, so I knew I couldn't do too much but I needed to at least SIT in that saddle!

Anyways... this is what you're all here for! The pictures!

For comparison's sake, I am first going to refresh your memory with a couple of pictures from the 18" Thorowgood that I bought a while back. The extended panels were too long for her short, stout back, and she was pinched at the shoulders. It also really didn't fit me, like, at all.





Now, the new saddle!




If that doesn't look like a happy horse, I don't know what does!

I normally am very cautious riding in the snow but I was so excited about this saddle and the obvious difference in how easily and pleasantly she moved out that I just had to see what a canter in a well fitted saddle felt like. We have not done a lot of canter, DUE to the saddle issues we have had because of slipping (anyone remember me getting deposited on my head at the canter from a saddle that slipped all the way around Bronwyn's belly?) and also due to the ill fitting saddles, she had some issues (ducking, veering, etc) when we weren't in a roundpen in a "forced" circle.

We took off up through the snow... straight, balanced, comfortable and SO MUCH FUN.

I have had a few offers to buy this saddle from me (before I even got a chance to sit in it) but I have said more than once that I love this one so much I think I might have it buried with me, haha! If anything, it is a smidge too wide for Bronwyn, but I would rather a little too wide than too narrow, and still a little tight for me but I think it works for the length of my leg, just gotta work some of my butt off.

Now I feel that I can finally move forward instead of just floundering around in the same place. I have things I need to work on (hands out of my crotch, no piano hands, and eyes up, to name a few things!) and I feel like I can work on those now that I am not obsessively thinking "Is this saddle hurting my horse? Is this causing her pain?" - I feel like I can comfortably spend more time in the saddle now - it's refreshing and makes 2011 seem pretty bright and exciting to me!

Merry Christmas to ME!

I didn't want to say anything sooner for fear of jinxing it, but as many of you know, I have been on the "Great Saddle Search" for some time now. In the end, I resolved that the Duett line of saddles is about the only way I can go. They are not cheap, but I have yet to hear any bad feedback at all about them. In fact, they are so well liked, as a general rule, that finding a good used one is kind of like finding a unicorn... and finding a good used one that would be both wide enough for Bronwyn and big enough in the seat for me... they exist, oh, they exist... but to get one that is USED is kind of a "from my cold, dead hands.", a la Charlton Heston.

I have doggedly kept my eyes on eBay and Tack Trader looking for something that will fit me and (most importantly) Bronwyn... a couple of times they have come up, out of my price range. Two went over the summer in the $500-600 range which would have been right up my alley, had I had money in my hands. I eventually gave up on the idea of something used and took on a second job through the November/December months in order to buy a new one in the new year.

And then it happened. I found a 38cm, 19" Duett Companion Trail on eBay with a starting bid at $500. This was doable. I was excited!



I don't dig the two-tone going on, but with what I do with Bronwyn at this moment, and considering the fact that my butt and thighs will cover most of the ugly up, it will do. Heck, at this point, I wouldn't care if it had Mickey Mouse all over it, as long as it fits Bronwyn.

Anyways, the seller, "Nora", was beyond helpful. I contacted her with what I anticipated to be my payment schedule prior to even bidding on the account. She was so easy to get along with and even expressed excitement when I won the auction. So, Nora... thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for assisting in this wonderful adventure we call saddle-fitting!

Now, I am a pretty experienced eBayer, but I am also pretty anxious, and I have a hard time (and heart palpitations) when I am bidding on something that is not that common to find and that I also "need". I enlisted my mother, who I would call a "MASTER EBAYER" to help me out with the bidding. What that meant is that she sat at the desktop computer with the page open ready to "snipe" the bidding at 10 seconds prior to the auction ending, and I sat in my bedroom, on my bed, with a blanket over my head and my laptop open before me, neurotically refreshing and refreshing the eBay page and occasionally letting out squeals and shrieks. I had already decided what price I wanted to go to, but what if someone else went $10 higher and I lost the auction?!?! THEN I would have to continue this neurotic searching of eBay and all things internet or wait until the new year before I could buy a saddle.

In the end, I ended up winning the Companion for less than half of what it would cost new (even including the shipping), and I am pretty darn excited. It got into the mail on Friday and I have only a delivery confirmation number so I can do some more neurotic refreshing on the USPS website (probably better that there isn't an actual tracking number so I have more details to anticipate looking for).

Does anyone see a pattern with neurosis here? I am practically bouncing in my seat hoping that it will land before Christmas (they said 8 days but I know USPS can sometimes be faster... but also during this time of year can also be MUCH MUCH SLOWER) and I will have a REAL Christmas present for myself and for my horse.

I usually have buyer's remorse after spending any amount of money on anything (sometimes even grocery shopping gives me buyer's remorse!), but I haven't experienced an ounce of it yet and I am so darn excited!

Slightly Not-Horse-Related: Being Thankful

A week ago on Saturday, I was thankful for having a steady mount. Bronwyn and I decided to finally ride up on the clearcut that has happened next to our home (you might remember me blogging about it and how upset it made me). All the snow that had been on the ground had melted out and it was a really mild day - we had gotten a lot of rain shortly before it but it had backed off and I was really looking forward to just riding my horse up into the mountain and being able to unwind from some personal stresses that were going on.

Bronwyn was keen so as we headed out the driveway, we picked up a brisk trot. As we were passing our pond, all of a sudden, there was no horse under me. Thinking she had stumbled, I supported her head the best I could and tried to keep her from doing a nosedive and Bronwyn managed to stay on her feet. She continued to trot off as though nothing had happened. I reined her in and looked behind me to find an enormous gaping hole in our driveway.

She had put a front foot through a spot beside the cedar culvert that someone had built several years ago. Fortunately, there was no metal for her to cut herself on or get caught up in. Due to the heavy rains we had been experiencing, the earth beside the culvert had just washed away and left a sinkhole. She walked off sound and we completed our ride with no problems - she was not sore even the day after. I was so impressed with her steadiness, and the way that she just took things in stride.

It's funny because to many, she is not predictable, she is difficult and sometimes I feel like she can be a handful. On our longer-than-should-be-legal 4 hour ride, she was full of it when we left - my dad actually said later on that he hadn't been sure if I could handle her. She is reliable in her unpredictability, and the strong underlying current, despite some of the fears she still harbours, is that she trusts me and I trust her and in the end, that is why we get along so well!

Later on, I became thankful for other things that were related to saturated ground and rain.

This is a picture of what our front lawn looked like earlier this week - you can see the spot on the driveway where we fell through the sinkhole. The pond in front of our house is supposed to start about three feet behind the fence. Eventually, we unclogged the old rotted culvert and set most of the pond free and our dog yard is no longer flooded through, but the rain did more damage to other areas.

I lucked out. I am thankful.

These images were taken on roads that I travel on at least a weekly basis (some of them more like daily). This was all from a day's worth of torrential rain.







Fortunately, our place sustained no real damage, but places just 20 minutes away.. people were evacuated, horses had to be moved, reports of riding rings and barns down, pastures flooded, homes picked up and MOVED by the water.

The area is rebuilding, but this has always been one of those "it can't happen here" things.